A series of New South Yemenese Filmmakers not really your cup of tea? Well, rather than put yourself to sleep down at the university film society, turn to LeisureSuit.net! This occasional feature will show you how, with a few extra moments at the video store (or by cruising Reel.com) you can tailor-make a film festival in the comforts of your very own home.

This Season: The Hot Marxist Guerrilla Chick Movie.

There's nothing that'll turn me on more that a politically-charged sexy broad in a beret holding a machine gun blathering about the people. The bubble-headed Bikini Beach Squad films just whiz past me, but when I hear earnest pleas for the proletariat, my interest is piqued. If gray tank-tops, corduroys and revolutionary notions get you sizzled, here are some tapes you should check out.

Patty Hearst, directed by Paul Schrader (of Affliction), written by Nick Kazan. What could've been a cheesy movie-of-the-week is a fascinating low budget psychological thriller slash art film. The script does its best to get inside Patty's (Natasha Richardson) confused mind, while still staying politically ambiguous. The now legendary drama unfolds in an innovative stream-of-consciousness, never cutting to the cops or Patty's parents or the world outside her story. There are wonderful visual quirks during the two months Patty stayed blindfolded, as well as some bizarre music choices, but most importantly, this film has a big collection of combat boot-wearin' leftist babes.

The Symbionese Liberation Army, despite being run by a black man (played by Ving Rhames) was almost all hot, brunette, intellectual, angry, Mao-Marxist, fatalistic babes. One of them is Dana Delaney. Unfortunately, Patty Hearst has no scenes with any actual lesbian sex, but there are many references to it as well as wonderfully charged moments of lustful eye contact (which is probably more sexy that hard-core smut anyhow.) There's also the great tag-line "it's the comrade-ly thing to do" when one member of the SLA feels like bedding another.

These factors, plus a fictional portrayal of F. Lee Bailey, make this the number one pick.

Four Days In September, directed and written by Bruno Baretto. Actually, this is a much better film than Patty Hearst, but there are only two chicks in it, and no explicit references to lesbianism. One thing in its favor is that the guerrillas here are all Brazilian, which on paper makes them more attractive, although my particular neurosis finds white college coeds who want to be Latin even more attractive.

The story is about a Marxist Brazilian group in 1969 who kidnap the American Ambassador (Alan Arkin) in exchange for media attention and prisoners' free passage to Algeria (ohhhh . . . Algeria). Similar to Patty Hearst but told like a conventional film, bereft of cinematic quirks. There's a nice masochistic scene where the new recruits (including one doe-eyed Brazilian student) are psychologically tested before they can join, and wouldn't ya know the toughest, camouflage-iest, brunette-est, power-to-the-people-iest chick gives out all the verbal abuse.

Z, directed and written by Constantin Costa-Gavras, is, of course, the granddaddy of hip Marxist films. However, I only remember Yves Montand in it, and he doesn't really do it for me. Thus, it will not be included in this list. Luckily, right next to it on the shelf, you should find . . .

Zabriskie Point, directed by Michelangelo Antonioni, written by 500 people including Sam Shepard. This film, a lot like Easy Rider, is well-known and considered a counter-culture classic, but actually sucks. There are, however, great Marxist diatribes and hot chicks. Unfortunately, the two are separated.

The film opens with a rambling debate by a group of revolutionaries yammering about oppression and overthrowing the capitalist pigs. Many in the debate are women, but I don't recall too many of them being particularly involved. Then a lot of stuff happens, with the marching and yelling and getting arrested. Finally, the main dude, played by Mark Frechette, a graduate of the Peter Fonda school, runs to the desert and meets a hot sixties babe, played by Daria Halprin. They have a lot of embarrassingly overblown sixties conversations, screw, and then, I guess by osmosis, the girl becomes a free thinking radical by fantasizing about her opulent boss's house blowing up.

If only Antonioni had the wits about him to put the ideological scenes and the naked bits together! I guess that's why he's a genius.

And finally there's La Chinoise, written and directed by Jean-Luc Godard. I can't tell you if this film is actually any good, because the one time I saw it was in French without subtitles, and I don't speak French. I rented it, however, with full knowledge of this, because the description of five Parisian Maoist men and women arguing about how to overthrow the state via Brechtian acting techniques and the music of Karl-Heinz Stockhausen was making me light-headed.

What I saw of it, I loved.

Other choices (for matinees?):
Reds (written and directed by Warren Beatty) is a great flick in its own right, but the women in it are mostly examples of The Cerebral Revolutionary. Watching this film for me is like seeing a sports picture about statisticians. Same goes for Children Of The Revolution, (written and directed by Peter Duncan) a comedy starring Judy Davis as a leftist and would-be organizer who gets knocked up by Stalin (F. Murray Abraham). Finally, there's Network (directed by Sidney Lumet, written by Paddy Chayevsky) which has the great scene where Faye Dunaway is trying to negotiate contracts with a militant group. Who can forget the angry black woman shouting, "Ain't nobody messing with my distribution package!"?

So raise your fist in the air, get those leaflets mimeographed and let your freak flag fly! And remember, psychologists say, that in the comfort of your own home, every now and again, it's actually healthy to objectify women, so long as it's done in quotes (and so long as they can't jump out of the box and waste you like the close-minded imperialist dog that you are.)