As a scientific theory, spontaneous generation (wherein animals just sprout up out of nowhere, like rancid meat growing flies rather than just attracting them) was more or less discredited by Louis Pasteur in the 1850's. I think it's about time to revive the old theory, however, because it's the only way I can think to explain why little bugs keep sprouting up under my shampoo bottle.

A little background: In no less than three apartments I have lived in in Manhattan, I have one morning, showering just as innocent as can be, lifted my shampoo bottle to discover to my horror dozens of tiny little dot-sized bugs scurrying about. Tiles are quickly cleaned, surfaces are sprayed, and I'll be sure the problem is taken care of, until another morning, a few months down the line, when I'll pick up my shampoo bottle, and sure enough, there they are again . . .

Now understand, I keep my bathroom pretty clean (or at least as clean as any self-respecting bachelor should be expected to), and I never see any grown-up bugs that might be laying these eggs. The bugs will sprout up in any apartment I live in, on the underside of the bottle of any number of different kinds of shampoo bottles, but never anywhere else. It's uniquely peculiar.

Is it just me, or is this a dirty little secret that all New Yorkers live with? Have you checked the underside of your shampoo bottle recently? Is there an entomologist out there somewhere who can tell me what I'm dealing with?? Until I get some answers, it's spontaneous generation, as far as I'm concerned. And Louis Pasteur be damned.