The Summer of the Fraggles




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The Summer of the Fraggles
by Chris Tyrrell

published 5/3/99

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Chris Tyrrell is LeisureSuit.net's Staff Humorist.

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Subj: The Summer of the Fraggles
DOOZER WE'LL HELP YOU!
-- Pete Wentz
Dec 14, 2006 at 3:29AM
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Forget everything you thought you knew about the Fraggles.
Whenever I begin to tell the story of The Summer of The Fraggles, invariably people nod, in an obnoxiously knowing manner, as if to say, "Oh, we've heard about The Summer of The Fraggles." Well, they haven't. They're liars. To them it's a tall tale--like Paul Bunyan, or John Henry, or the one about the lumberjack with the ox named Babe. "Sorry, Chap," I always retort, "but I was there, and it really happened."

Forget what your aunt or your third-grade gym teacher has told you about The Summer of The Fraggles--it is pure grade-A Oscar Meyer. There were three people there that blustery summer night of '72, and I am the only one who made it out of Fraggle Rock alive. So it is impossible--unless I have cozied up to you in a bar, reeking of gin and stinking of tonic, shortly before last call, and recounted this astounding tale to you--that you have all the facts.

Another disclaimer: the HBO series "Fraggle Rock," though more accurate than most retellings of this event, is also 100% B.S. If the Fraggles were simply benevolent, Muppet-like creatures, who clumsily shared living space with those green worker guy things . . . well, Roger and Alexandra would still be alive today. It is in their memory, that I now commit to record the official happenings of The Summer of the Fraggles.

1972, for those of you that remember, was a vibrant, if hazy time to be living in America--and the summer proved to be even more turbulent than the summer three years previous had been for those that I call, The Hippies. In order to understand how we felt, coming face-to-face that humid July evening with a gang of unruly Fraggles, you need to recall briefly what life was like a scant 27 years ago.

"The Godfather" was number one at the box office. I remember this because Roger--dear, sweet Roger--had seen it thirteen times before our Fraggle encounter. I, too, enjoyed the movie, and the two of us would act out our favorite scenes from the cinematic masterpiece. He always got to be Michael Corleone, and I, of course, played his Italian bride. He would gently brush the shoulder strap off my lovely frock (though I'd be wearing a button-down shirt, so the act involved a lot more tugging than brushing), and he would attempt to make love to me. Then I would pretend to be driving a car for the first time, but I would blow up. We loved recreating those two scenes.

Alexandra, before her Fraggle-inflicted decapitation, always wanted to get involved in our "Godfather" scenes, but she was absolutely hideous at recreating the Coppola-esque feel. Once or twice she played Diane Keaton to Roger's Michael, emulating Kate's disgust at Michael assuming the role of Don Corleone, but I think the disgust was more aimed at Roger, me, and our silly, playful games.

Anyway, Fraggle Rock--the real Fraggle Rock, would never have had a theme song with the words "Dance your cares away, worry's for another day. Let the music play, down in Fraggle Rock." In fact, from that grisly, bloody night, I can attest to the fact that that is the polar opposite of what is done "down in Fraggle Rock."

Though the night would end in screams of terror, two human casualties, and dozens of injured Fraggles, it began unassumingly enough as Rog, Alexandra, and I finished up a bravura performance of "Godfather" scenes. Rog suggested we take a walk over to the abandoned mine shafts, and Alexandra and I couldn't think of a possible reason not to go along with this. Little did we know what lay in store for us.

We sidelined off the gravel interstate to a slipshod dirt path--no longer illuminated by the friendly streetlights, which seemed to say "Hey, we help you see things much clearer than you would if we weren't here!" Well, we no longer were under your artificial light, so no need to rub it in, streetlights!

It was in the dark, under the black sky, that we could feel the temperature begin to drop like a bungee jumper. Of course, at the time we wouldn't have thought that analogy, because bungee jumping wasn't around in '72. So we might have felt--and I'm speaking for those two courageous, yet deceased companions of mine as well--as if the temperature was dropping like Sally Kellerman's clothes in "M*A*S*H*" I'm not sure if that movie was before or after '72, though, so that might not have been . . . the point is it was getting very cold. Truly the night was hot and humid--but as we walked toward the mineshafts, we could feel a musty, ghastly chill tickling our various spines.

That's when Alexandra fell. Oh, but if her toe hadn't met that pebble in such a dramatic fashion, she might not have tumbled, and she and Roger might have been alive today! But if, after hearing The Summer of The Fraggles horror, you feel you must exact revenge on said pebble--don't bother. I've pummeled them all, and--through hysterical tears--made my point quite clearly. Besides, we can't very well blame the pebbles, can we? No. But we can blame the Fraggles. And God, for creating Fraggles.

Roger attempted to help Alexandra to her feet, but found it extremely difficult. Oh, Roger was blind too. I forgot that part. Blind as a bat, that Roger. So he could feel that Alexandra's body was sprawled on the dirt road, but he could not see where her hands were, in order to hoist her back up. Would that his lack of sight had been compensated for by a keen sense of smell, he might have sensed the sickly odor of Fraggles, lurking closely, ready to pounce on their prey. But alas, Roger didn't get any of that cool blind trade-off stuff. Instead, he was just a helpless tour guide; utterly useless in a situation like this. As was our recently be-limped partner, Alexandra. So it was all up to me.

And what, fair readers, was your faithful narrator doing while the Fraggles must have been inching closer to their victims? Why, I was assessing the situation, and filing through many problem-solving techniques in my mind. Finally I realized what had to be done! The authorities must be notified. As Roger was without sight, and Alexandra might have sprained her ankle or something, I realized the disheartening fact that I would be the only one who could get help.

So run I did--fast as my two able legs could propel me, and as efficiently as my wonderfully working eyes would lead me. I only stopped a couple times to catch my breath, and once to go to the bathroom "au natural." But when I finally reached civilization, I realized too much time had passed. "My friends, my naīve and martyred compatriots, must be fodder for Fraggles by now," I thought. So I sighed a long, world-weary sigh, praying that Roger and Alexandra died as quickly and painlessly as possible. I then bought a ticket for the 7:45 PM showing of "The Godfather," because Roger would have wanted it that way.

So now you know the full story. Now you know why The Summer of The Fraggles, the real account, should keep children awake at night--sweating with fear over an imminent Fraggle invasion. Because they will return--if I know one thing about Fraggles, it's that they are unwavering in their persistence. That's why I always keep my cabin prepared with three things: a sawed-off shotgun, emergency flares, and Fraggle poison. And, you know, food and drinks and stuff for myself.

WILL YOU BE READY FOR THE AUTUMN OF THE FRAGGLES?!

Name: Pete Wentz
Subject: The Summer of the Fraggles
-- Dec 14, 2006 at 3:29AM
DOOZER WE'LL HELP YOU!

Name: Doozer
Subject: slavery on the rocks
-- Feb 22, 2006 at 2:54PM
Many moons have passed since the fraggles came to our underground rock forest with offerings of free food & beverages. Little did our doozing community suspect that in the long run, these seemingly harmless and entertaining creatures from well, wherever they came from would over time enslave our entire race and force us to do their bidding (building). I beg anyone who happens to come across this cry for help to please do so, HELP! We are an ancient and dying race & anything anyone could do to assist us in this time of need would be greatly appreciated, please oh my gourd here comes Boober gotta go. Please HELP!

Name: autumn
Subject: boober
-- Jan 30, 2006 at 12:01AM
wherecan i find pictures of boober and maybe videos

Name: Amanda
Subject: Fraggles
-- Jan 25, 2006 at 2:23PM
Where can I find a thurough array of facts, background, casting, etc. on the fraggles and fraggle friends? I'd really like a list of all their names and little summaries of who they are.

Name: Mark
Subject: Fraggle location
-- Dec 4, 2005 at 2:20PM
I was arguing with my extreamly inteligent house mate (who I might also add is very handsome) about where fraggle rock was based. Would he be right in saying that it was underneath a light house??? Any help appreciated.

Name: sponny pete
Subject: fraggles
-- Oct 20, 2005 at 7:02PM
i love a good fraggle, work and pleasure.

Name: Sprocket
Subject: FRAGGLES
-- Sep 13, 2005 at 3:32PM
What the heck is a fraggle?

Name: Jonathan
Subject: Fraggle videos
-- Aug 4, 2005 at 8:05PM
I believe you can request and download torrent file fraggle rock episodes at:
http://www.tvtor rents.com/search.do

For more info my email is kittysafe@gmail.com

Name: John Kerry
Subject: The Fraggle Law
-- Feb 24, 2005 at 8:00AM
Hello I am former presidential hopeful John Kerry. I have read this story and remember vividly the law that was proposed that year in the congress banning fraggle hunting. Now I want you to know that I firmly stood behind this ban and I voted for it shortly after I voted against it. I wanted the hunters to be able to hunt the evil fraggles but I just could not in my heart see why we should have to pay for amour and weapons to do it. I mean I really would like to know what you think so I know what to think on this matter. The truth is I hate all things wholesome and pure. Or do I? Again I dont know where I stand on this matter Well I must go goodbye and Hail Satan! I mean God bless

Name: SEBASTIÁN
Subject: LOS PEQUEŅECOS
-- Jan 29, 2005 at 5:13PM
Hé Visto Yo Una Foto de Los Fraguels Lé Dan Sangre a Los Ojos a Las Persķnas Por Los Muertos,Con Una Serie de Jim Hensķn;En Estos Personajes de Disney Sķn Divertidas.

Name: Mary Hart
Subject: The Casa de Tatas
-- Aug 16, 2004 at 7:52AM
Nice try, Teshie. But the Mary Hart Casa de Tatas is still opening next week, and there's nothing you or that wench Connie Selleca can do to stop its success.

Name: John Tesh
Subject: The Long Haired Canadian Beaver
-- Aug 15, 2004 at 1:01AM
Hello friends, I'm semi-celebrity, and easy listening piano player John Tesh. I was also the host of the hit television series "Entertainment Tonight" a few years back. The show is more commonly known as "ET". But enough about me, now I'd like to get to the point of this article, and that point is the Canadian Long Haired Beaver. This species of beaver is in danger of becoming extinct, because its famous "Long Hair" makes a high quality fur coat. I'm here to say, Long Haired Beaver coats are a travesty. If the Canadian Long Haired Beaver is to be hunted, it should be hunted for food, because they're absolutely delicious. You can have that, and many other species of beaver at my new chain of celebrity restaurants, "John Tesh's Famous House of Beaver". Go get yourself a heapin' helpin' of my beaver today.

Name: a-choo
Subject: you( the author) are an idiot!
-- Jun 19, 2004 at 2:01PM
Fraggles are nice! like meg said- it might have been a troll. you stupidly ran away and never actually saw them now did you?

Name: saf
Subject: where can i get fraggle rock video from
-- May 31, 2004 at 12:38PM
i am currently looking to buy fraggle rock on video or on dvd please could you let me know where to buy it from and which website i sould go to thankyou

Name: Meg
Subject: Lacking 2
-- May 24, 2004 at 4:33PM
Wait, was what I just wrote lacking as well? Wow. I guess now you know how your readers feel.

Name: Meg
Subject: Lacking
-- May 24, 2004 at 4:32PM
This lacked so many things I don't know where to begin. Oh wait, yes I do.
1. Godfather? Nothing to do with Fraggles.
2. You didn't tell a story that contained Fraggles.
3. Depending on the city you lived in, it might very well have been a Troll. You know, with the funky pink and blue hair, with the little gem in it's stomach. Those things are vicious.

Name: Jo
Subject: Umm nut's
-- Feb 20, 2004 at 9:04AM
I fell upon this article whilst trying to settle a debate on what the giant gardenening folk were called. U have neither answered my question or fulfilled my desire to watch fraggle porn. Shame on you Chris!Pls can someone tell me!

Name: Chris Tyrrell
Subject: Re: FraggleRocker.com
-- Feb 13, 2004 at 12:42PM
It's OK by me. But I'm just the author.

Name: over grown fraggle
Subject: fraggles song
-- Feb 13, 2004 at 4:52AM
doesnt the song just rock!
dance your cares away worries for another day let the music polay down at fraggle rock*dances* me thinks these are right lyrics ne feed back?

Name: Tyson Craemer
Subject: FraggleRocker.com
-- Jan 31, 2004 at 3:21PM
This would be a great article to put on FraggleRocker.com... Would this be possible???

Tyson
FraggleRocker.co m

Name: Amadeo
Subject: Blind?
-- Jan 6, 2004 at 12:41PM
How could Roger watch the Godfather if he was blind?

Name: * Drew *
Subject: Where can i buy tapes
-- Dec 22, 2003 at 7:14PM
I love the Fraggles! Fraggle Rock is a killer show I love watching them I check the T.V guide every Christmas for Muppets christmas Just so I can see the Fraggles! My Room is Decorated in Fraggle Stuff. I was wondering where I might find more Fraggle Merchendise for my room, I was hoping to find out where I chould find Origial Fraggle Rock Movies on DVD or VHS. Thank you!
~*¤x¤*~Drew~*¤x¤ *~

Name: Elena
Subject: i want the return of fraggles!!
-- Dec 14, 2003 at 4:47PM
im a spanish girl and when i was a child i loved fraggles i want them in the tv twice!!

Name: Jon Earl
Subject: Tape Trading
-- Oct 31, 2003 at 2:24AM
I am looking to trade for any episodes of Fraggle Rock someone might have. I have none myself and am just looking to trade for blanks mostly. If anyone can help me, I'd really appreciate it. Thanks.

Name: Kirk
Subject: Uh. What?
-- Oct 22, 2003 at 12:42AM
I liked the concept, but, what happened? I mean, all that build up and no release. I WANT MORE!!!!!!!

Name: Gobo
Subject: The Summer of the Fraggles
-- Oct 2, 2003 at 9:24PM
Wow, I'm so sorry to hear about your friends dude, what a powerful story......... nope it sucked

Name: ryan
Subject: buying
-- Jul 12, 2003 at 9:50PM
some of these people are relentless whats wrong with staying young at heart and liking everything jim henson created, screw these people that dog this love for muppets, and hey if they dont like it why are they on this website. please help me find these lost videos.

Name: Kevin Bymer
Subject: buying
-- May 10, 2003 at 8:04PM
Is there a way to get a copy or buy a video tape of fraggle movies?

Name: Captain Sunshine
Subject: Important Fraggle Business
-- Mar 21, 2003 at 11:31AM
Hello. This Captain Sunshine, leader of the fraggle army. I am writing this letter to tell all you fraggle fans that they have moved the reruns they were playing at 3:00 am to 4:00am. I am outraged. I just can't stay up that late, and neither can my wife, especially because she has to get up at 4:00 am to work at Hooters. Please write your local affiliates. Captain Sunshine is not so sunny today, friends. Peace out.

Name: Red
Subject: Blind???
-- Mar 2, 2003 at 6:50PM
how can someone who is blind watch a movie? especially in 1972?

Name: Kt
Subject: I LOVE THEM
-- Jan 30, 2003 at 1:31AM
OMG i totally love the fraggels!!! actaullt iam watchign an epiosd of it now.Seiously i own like all of the fraggel moives .....all of the muppet HBO ones....that is supa crazy fraggel prorn:S.yahbut they are the best i lve the song aboutt he worm that red and gobo sing to moky when she joins thta club dose anyone eles member that one????soor iam like just totally odsesed with the fraggels and iam so happy there are morefreaks liek me!!!!!:D

Name: Gordon
Subject: Satire, parody allowed by law
-- Jan 12, 2003 at 11:31AM
Okay...it really distresses me to se how many people came here and didn't even READ the story...they just assumed it was another Fraggle site dedicated to the lovely Fraggle show. I found the story marginally humorous, but poorly written. The author could have done a much better job of incorporating aspects of the show to make fun of...and there are plenty for the savvy, sarcastic, angst-ridden "creatives" ; who think its cool to attack anything that has even an air of innocence about it. If you're going to do it, do it right and really show that you have some creativity. I think someone at The Onion would have done a better job.

Name: Becca
Subject: YAY!
-- Dec 27, 2002 at 6:18PM
I love the fraggles they are the best. I would love to buy anything to do with the fraggles thay are the coolest and most awesum things ever
Also i would love to know of any stores out there that sell fraggle stuff aka t shirts, stuffed animals and so on

Name: PIMP MONKEY
Subject: ........
-- Dec 27, 2002 at 4:25AM
LIFE, LIBERTY, AND THE PURSUIT OF FRAGGLES?!!!I ALMOST CAN'T BELIEVE THERE ARE THAT MANY PEOPLE OUT THERE WITH THE SAME MENTAL DEFFICIENCY.

ALMOST.

BESIDES YOU'D THINK THE NUDE PICS WOULD BE OF RED NOT WIMBLEY. HE WAS SUCH A SUCK-ASS.

Name: Niki
Subject: oh my god
-- Dec 13, 2002 at 8:46PM
hey!!! i can not believe they have websites devoted to the fraggles!!! they were and still are the greatest friggen cartoon! its great to fin that my 15 year childhood has not yet gone unnoticed ny others. what would we have dont without the fraggles???

Name: Hilary
Subject: The Summer of the Fraggles
-- Nov 26, 2002 at 12:02AM
does any one know where you can buy Fraggle videos, and not the UK ones?

Name: T
Subject: k den
-- Nov 24, 2002 at 1:57AM
this was gay it had a stopid ending

Name: august
Subject: The Summer of the Fraggles
-- Nov 9, 2002 at 8:54AM
made me laugh.

Name: seth
Subject: fraggle vids europe
-- Nov 2, 2002 at 10:05PM
seth's email ,

thesalsaking@exc ite.com

for bying or trading fraggle rock
episodes.

Name: Seth
Subject: fraggle rock europe
-- Nov 2, 2002 at 10:03PM
Fraggle rock episodes to trade
and for sale

U.K

Name: craven moorehead
Subject: The Summer of the Fraggles
-- Jul 28, 2002 at 11:18PM
fraggles suck. A snork could kill a fraggle with his own hands and his snorkle and everyone knows it

Name: RAY CUNNINGHAM
Subject: FRAGGLE ROCK
-- Jul 22, 2002 at 7:47PM
HELLO I WAS WONDERING IF ANY BODY OU THERE HAD ALL THE EPISODES OF FRAGGLE ROCK FROM '83 TO '88 I WOULD LOVE TO GET COPIES. I HAVE THREE KIDS AND I SAW A VIDEO AND PICK IT UP A JC PENNYS AND I WOULD LIKE TO RAISE ON FRAGGLE ROCK AS I WAS.

JIM HENSON IS THE BEST!

Name: Harriët Diesfeldt
Subject: help !!
-- Apr 17, 2002 at 6:07PM
Hallo,
Ons vriendenclubje willen ook zeker de fraggles terug op de buis.
Als er iemand video`s heeft , graag!!!
h.diesfeldt@worl donline.nl

Name: josien
Subject: where are they?
-- Mar 21, 2002 at 7:18AM
fraggles rules. Ik heb sinds ik de fraggles heb gezien toen ik een jaar of 7 was nooit meer zo'n leuk tv programma gezien. ik heb wel al de fraggle rock gedownload. De fraggles moeten gewoon terug op tv!

Name: Gavin
Subject: This Is REALLY Wank
-- Aug 10, 2001 at 11:54AM
Honestly, I REALLY HAVE pulled better sounding stories out of my Ass.

Name: rosie
Subject: fraggles
-- Jul 5, 2001 at 10:23PM
FRAGGLE ROCK KICKS ASS!!!!!YEAH BABY

Name: Chris Tyrrell Responds
Subject: Re: Your a moron!
-- May 14, 2001 at 5:54AM
Josh,

"You're&quo t; has an apostrophe when used as "you are."

Thanks!
Chris

Name: Josh
Subject: Your a moron!
-- May 13, 2001 at 1:53AM
Umm what the hell? You have THIS much time on your hands. Get a job, a life, a friend, a girlfriend! MY GOD! Fraggle Rock was a make believe show. It was a great childrens show of the 80's that I watched. You should be locked up in a room where all you can do is wink. FRAGGLE ROCK RULES!

Name: Jaap
Subject: fraggles video's
-- Mar 31, 2001 at 5:49AM
Please help me finding a dutch version of the fraggles video

Name: Sandra van Dijk
Subject: I can't find them too
-- Oct 30, 2000 at 10:09AM
Were can I get the video's of the fraggles. Especially the dutch versions

Name: An LS.n Reader
Subject: Where are the Fraggles?
-- Oct 20, 2000 at 8:19PM
Anyone out there know where i can find the origional episodes?, no thte cartoons, but the HBO episodes?

Name: MissAnnY
Subject: Addicted 2 the Fraggle movies
-- Aug 30, 2000 at 8:18AM
Hi!

I'm a very big fan of the Fraggles and I was desperately looking 4 any further information I could find about them. I really wanna buy some videos, I rented a couple and now I want 2 c them all!! So that's why I'm searching the net at the moment. So if anyone has a good suggestion on where I can find some video's...I'll b happy 2 know!!!!

Ann xxx

Name: Chris Tyrrell Responds
Subject: Re: well, well, well
-- Dec 17, 1999 at 6:52AM
Andy,

You're welcome! These days--and especially this time of year--people should really be thinking about what beloved icons from childhood they can destroy for other people. I'm only too happy to have provided this service for you.

Were you really surfing the web for Fraggle info? Wow.

I have, already in my idiotic career, tarnished such benevolent characters as Willy Wonka, the Sesame Street gang, those fellas from Oz, and Stanley Kubrick. It is my intention to further bring forth the lurking evil in many, many other family staples.

So was "Fraggle" your keyword? And you were looking for sites about them? Man, oh, man.

Merry Holidays!

Name: Andy Smith
Subject: well, well, well
-- Dec 16, 1999 at 10:52PM
Alright guy...
While your story seemed very interesting to me while surfing along on the subject of the Fraggles...I was surprised to hear that such a horrid thing could happen in their presence. I remember their puppet form, there on the small, family television in the basic 80's living room. But, taking this story into account, I don't think i will ever view those beloved Henson creations the same again.
Thank you for ruining another of my fond childhood momories!

Name: Chris Tyrrell Responds
Subject: Re: i am a fraggle
-- Nov 10, 1999 at 9:20AM
Stephen,

I'm glad you've embraced your inner fraggle. But please do not use the late Mr. Henson's whimsical creatures as fodder for your disgusting perversions. Fraggles are not porn. REPEAT: FRAGGLES ARE NOT PORN.

(Although if you're looking for choice Fraggle porn, an excellent site is XXXWembleyNudePics.com)

Name: Stephen Lawrie
Subject: i am a fraggle
-- Nov 9, 1999 at 6:17PM
i love to wank

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The Summer of the Fraggles by Chris Tyrrell

Forget everything you thought you knew about the Fraggles.

WILL YOU BE READY FOR THE AUTUMN OF THE FRAGGLES?!

The Summer of the Fraggles
by Chris Tyrrell